Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
