3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I need help removing her.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
How's work?
Spinning.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
