she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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