thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Randomize
