we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
