she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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