Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
