so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
