Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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