Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
