It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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