DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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