My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
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