I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
