I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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