wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
