Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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