BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
