NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
