My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize