my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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