dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I stole a fireplace last night.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
