the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
