Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I think your dad took our porno
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
