I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
