No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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