The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
