I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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