This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
