we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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