Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
