Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
