new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
