I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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