He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
