I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
