Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
