I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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