I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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