The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
i need to put some appletini on your dick
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