They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
