If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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