I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
