I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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