its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
