Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
