I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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