I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
