he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
