i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
