He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
