his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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