He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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