Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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