im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
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