I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
