..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
