I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
