I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
