i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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