I don't remember. Are we still dating?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
