I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
