is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
