Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
