Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize