in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
