its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
