you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Randomize
