so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
