She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
