no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
