i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
