tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
